Monthly Archives: May 2009

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One of the vital keys to successful parenting is a well-stocked diaper bag.

We have two.  One is a demure yet stylish black diaper bag that somewhat resembles an over-stuffed laptop bag.  Our other is a bright red Vera Bradley diaper bag.   Bright red….with a white paisley design on it.  Also stylish, in its own distinctly feminine way.

One bag we send to daycare.  The other is our walking around bag, one that I find myself carrying more often than not as I lug our daughter from place to place.

Can you guess which bag goes to daycare and which one ends up on my shoulder?  Yes.  You’re right.  But I get over it.

The point of this story is that we have two bags, and for the most part the same core items are packed in each.  Usually the black bag, the daycare bag, is the more heavily stocked bag.  After all, this is the bag that our daycare provider goes to for diaper changes and the occassional change of clothes.  So on the occassions that I find myself out and about on errands with my daughter after daycare, I’m actually slightly more confident in my ability to deal with the needs of my child as I’m carrying the “better” bag.  Plus it’s not a giant red handbag.  I just can’t feel manly carrying a giant red handbag.

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I think it’s looking for the mega-shark.  (Yes, that’s apparently a real movie)

Actually, no.  There’s no real giant octopus in my backyard.  It just kind of looks that way.  Each morning during the past week, I’ve painstakenly watered my yard in the fourth most painstakenly awful manner.   I’ve got a single hose running from my single connection to a single sprinkler that covers just about a fourth of my yard consistently.  I set up an alarm on my oven clock and when the timer goes, I go out into the backyard, shut off the water, gingerly march over to the current location, drag it over to its new location (carefully allowing for some overlap), head back to the porch, turn the water on, reset the alarm and repeat the process, at least 4 more times.

Today, however, I decide to splirge on  four-way split-connector, three new hoses, and 3 more sprinkler heads.  I spent the better part of an hour adjusting the position of each sprinkler individually, trying to ensure that the entire range of the yard is covered.  Originally I had intended to cover the whole yard at once…but water pressure is a cruel mistress.

At the very least I can run two sprinklers at a time (each connection has it’s own shut off valve), and cut my watering time in half.

Oh, in case you’re curious, the list of ways to water your lawn in the order of suckage consists of:

1. An eyedropper
2. A bucket
3. Your thumb on the end of a hose
4. A single sprinkler
5. Multiple sprinkers
6. A fully automated in-ground sprinkler system
7. Someone else doing it.

I think that pretty much covers it.

Yeah…it’s what you think it is.  We’re now official.

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My wife, my child and I were hanging out in the kitchen, as we normally do on weekdays after I bring my daughter home from daycare.  I was sitting at the table, my daughter was at her high-chair, and my wife was preparing crescent rolls to go with dinner.

All of the sudden, my daughter turns to us and says:  ”Potty”

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…and sometimes the bus tracks you down, breaks into your house while you sleep, beats the everloving crap out of you, tosses you down the stairs and out the door, and then throws you under itself as it screams down the street.

And then it backs up and does it again.

I’m just saying.

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Another post to Digital Photography School’s weekly assignment:

Taken in my back yard last night, lit only by the porch lights.

No picture today.  My opportunities were driven away by the sound of my daughter screaming during a GIANT hissy fit.

Instead, let me tell you how I was almost run down by a deer.

While walking my dogs.

In the middle of our neighborhood.

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Awkwardfamilyphotos.com

Everyone has a family photoshoot that they’d rather forget.  Some people might have some photos so bad that they’d travel back in time and shoot the photographer to prevent the photos from being taken in the first place.

The lengths they’d go to to avoid said photos from becoming part of the public domain?  Well, it’s better left unsaid.

It’s obvious that some family member with a grudge probably sent in a few of these photos to the site.

But others…others are holiday cards.  They were deliberately sent out to people.

Why?  WHY?  You can’t look at these and think that they’re good!

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Finally finally finally. Our backyard is green.

Well, it’s actually been green for several weeks now. Mostly due to the GIGANTIC weeds that had overgrown everything. It’s kind of hard to find the motivation to walk back into the ruins of your backyard to take care of a few unwanted plants when you know that Sod is coming.

Sod redeems all of your gardening sins.

In any case, the landscapers were here bright and early this morning. By mid-morning they had scraped out all the crap, bushes, left-over stone, and at least five cinder blocks that we had missed while deconstructing our fountain. By five o’clock, the sod was in and beautiful.

For a few shining moments, I was utterly thrilled.

Then they handed me a pamphlet, dealing with the subject of caring for my newly laid sod.

“WATER YOUR SOD WITHIN A HALF HOUR OF THE SOD TOUCHING YOUR DIRTY DIRTY DIRT OR IT WILL DIE AND YOU WILL HAVE WASTED MONEY!”

“NO MORE THAN AN INCH OF WATER SHOULD FALL UPON YOUR GROUNDS OR YOUR SOD WILL DIE AND YOU WILL HAVE WASTED MONEY! NO MORE! NO LESS! G-D HELP YOU IF YOU USE THE METRIC SYSTEM!”

Phrases like these make me nervous.

No, those exact phrases didn’t actually appear in the pamphlet. But there were a lot of rules for watering, depending on how long it’s been on the ground. It’s complicated. And it’s no easier when your wife is giving a Final in the evening and you’re no where near your daughter’s bed time.

I managed. My daughter watched more YouTube videos than she’d normally be allowed to, but I did manage to move the hose every 20 minutes to a new area of my yard to ensure total coverage.

And it looks beautiful.