Oh…crap

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For the past several months my wife and I have been living a lie.  A horrible, deceitful lie.

Today our Lie came crashing down around us.  And now we may very well be screwed.

Not long after my daughter was born, she received a gift.  It was a little baby doll.  For whatever reason, as she became really aware of and attached to her toys, she became incredibly attached to this particular doll above all others.  This was the toy that ended up going everywhere.  This was the toy that was slept with.  This was the toy that she first really played with, not just interacted with or explored.

She loved this doll.

Then one day…Baby (that’s the doll’s name) got dirty.  Really dirty.

It wasn’t the first time that such a thing had happened.  Baby had been with my daughter nearly all her very short life.   My daughter has yet to show any evidence of being a neat freak.

This was the first time that baby had to be washed and I didn’t get  the job done in between the time that my daughter left for day care and the time I picked her up.   From my daughter’s perspective, Baby was AWOL.  That…that was a rough night.

Shortly thereafter, my wife and I hit upon the scheme that so many parents and Science Fiction authors had envisioned over the years.  A second Baby, identical to the first, to serve as a substitute for the Original when Stuff happens and Baby needs to be washed.  The two Babies must never meet, or else the Space-Time continuum would collapse under the weight of the paradox in my daughter’s mind.  Or something like that.

In any case, for seven months my wife and I lived this lie.  My daughter and Baby would eat, sleep and play together.  Stuff would happen and Baby would need to be washed.  The second Baby (dubbed Back-up Baby) would be brought out and play would continue until such time as that Baby was dirtied and needed to be cleaned.  At that point Original Baby would be substituted back in.  All was right with the world.

Again, all of this depended on the off-cycle Baby remaining out of sight.   The common advice of more experienced parents upon hearing of our scheme was that our daughter could never be made aware of Back-up Baby’s existence, even when she was grown.  In her mind, there could be only ONE Baby.  Her Baby.  Unique and special within this household.

You  might be wondering why I’m telling all of you this on a public blog.   Then again, most of you have probably figured out where I’m going with this story.

My daughter “woke up” from her non-nap this afternoon with a full-load in her diaper.  I brought her into our room where the changing station is set up.  I carefully placed her Baby on the bed near the station and set to work.  As I wrapped up my business (or rather, her business), I noticed my daughter gazing off past me towards the bed.

“Can I have that Baby?”

“Yes sweetheart.  As soon as I’m done changing your diaper I’ll give you Baby.”

“Can I have that Baby?”

“Once I’m done, I’ll give you Baby.  She’s just right there on the bed.”

“No, not that Baby.   Other Baby.”

I was confused at this point.  My daughter has a ton of dolls by now.

“You mean Pink Baby?”

“No, Other Baby.  Can I have it?”

“Blue Baby?”

“No, Other Baby.  There.”

I looked where she was pointing.  At first glance I thought she was pointing right at her Baby, still on the bed.   But my daughter was looking up, not down to where Baby actually was.  Then I glanced up.  In her line of sight was our closet.  The door was open.  And there, sitting on the top shelf, was Back-up Baby.

“Oh…crap.”

I tried to distract my daughter with song and dance and anything else I could think of while moving my body in between her and the open closet door.

It was no use.  As soon as she got off the changing station, she marched over to the closet door and started reaching upwards to the new Baby.  She was not going to be put off.  So I gave it to her.

“I have two Babies?”  Her incredulity was mixed with a wave of excitement.

The rest of the afternoon was spent watching my daughter play with her two Babies.  Every few minutes she’d stop and turn to us and say, “I have two Babies.  Yay!”  Meanwhile my wife and I were thinking over how we’d get ourselves out of this one.  If we let this continue, we’d have to buy two more Babies, just in case the original two got spectacularly dirty at the same time.  And then, if those two extra Babies were discovered….Heaven help us.  It’ll be “the Trouble with Tribbles” all over again.

Soon though, I came up with a cunning scheme…which is to say, a lie.

As my daughter was romping through the house, two Babies in tow, I had a Serious Talk with her.

“You know honey,” I began.  ”That other Baby is only visiting us today.  She had heard that there was a Baby that looked just like her, so she decided to visit.  So at the end of the day, she’s going to have to go to her Home.”

Micah silently pondered my words.  And then continued to play, as if I had said nothing.

For the rest of the afternoon, I kept repeating to her “This evening the Other Baby is going to have to go home.”  In fact, at one point I staged a phone call between the Other Baby’s “Mommy” and me, after which I told my daughter that Other Baby would have to leave when my wife went to play in her concert.

Surprisingly, it seems to have worked.   There was a moment just after my wife left with Back-up in tow where it seemed as if my child was on the verge of hysterics, but I managed to cut that off with a well-timed suggestion to watch some Sesame Street videos on YouTube.

We’ll see how tomorrow goes.  And how well the new hiding place works.